What I Learned from Olivia Dean this week
Photo by Auditorium Films
🎵Talk to me, Talk to me 🎵
Olivia Dean seemed unfazed and even baffled at the idea that she could have had parents that may not have supported her as much as her parents had when she got into music. The idea seemed almost blasphemous.
Photo circa 2006
My inner teen raged in jealousy.
I used to feel like I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. But the truth is that the things that I gravitated towards were treated like hobbies that had no real career possibilities like dance, acting and writing.
The stakes were much too high to chance pursuing arts and entertainment. Have you seen Sister Act 2, “Rita, Singing does NOT put food on the table.” were not words that were spoken directly but it was in the air that surrounded my house, and often my community.
The options placed in front of me had to be sure things. Become a nurse, doctor, lawyer or engineer.
None of these options really spoke to me. Sure, I was into politics and was good at arguing but my grades out of high school were barely good enough to get me into college – law school felt like a sacrifice I might not survive.
I was the teenager in high school who hated to study, and procrastinated most of her schoolwork until she absolutely had to do it. The kid who could write sure but never quite applied herself to it because I didn’t really understand the point. English as a major was often met with confusion because how were you going to make money with that. I now feel so much empathy for my unsupported autism and undiagnosed anxiety and depression. As well as pure ignorance about the many options available because the truth is I could’ve done a lot.
The options of who I could be never quite seemed to take who I actually was into account.
My parents weren’t completely unsupportive. My Dad always believed in my writing. He saw how I clinged to books and writing and thought I’d make a great TV reporter.
But it was the kind of support that always felt like it came with strings.
What I did next wouldn't just affect the rest of my life but it would greatly affect my parents and family too.
Globesville - Campus News Station 2013
I still ended up in film and tv school where I literally have myself on tape being a newscaster, when the reality of life approached me on being in the industry I would take the rejection way too deeply and rescind. Getting a “real” job as a teacher, or executive assistant after college to pay for my student loans.
My family kind of seemed to be waiting there for me to get back to my senses because they were overly invested (read as codependent).
I can’t know this for sure but it feels like Olivia Dean’s success would be her success.
Her upbringing sounded pretty stable and she had family in the entertainment industry which may be why her parents treated it like any other viable career option.
I didn't get the sense that she needed to make it big to save anyone around her or make it so that her family would be ok. While I’m sure she still struggles in life like the rest of us in her own way there’s definitely something to be said about the way adults who grew up in stable and supportive households navigate the world with a bit more confidence and surety.
I think it collapses time in ways that feel hard for me to understand as someone who didn't.
Music felt like a natural inevitability for her and progressed as such. And she has this lovely energy that says she would’ve been ecstatic to simply be a professional performer who gets to do what she loves everyday regardless of the notoriety and celebrity.
There was no I have to risk it all or go balls to the wall in order to make her dreams come true. There was no I have to prove it to myself and my family that I can. They always knew that she could.
I write this not to poo poo on my parents but to speak directly to the kids like me, who grew up with less and are now adults who are always stressed and burdened about what they'll do with their lives.
This is for the kids (now adults) who had to juggle and decide between a career that would guarantee a solid paycheck and following their heart to places their loved ones were afraid they’d fail within. To the kids who did it despite the naysayers and fear of their family and friends who couldn’t see their vision.
We are not crazy for not following the paths that our families laid out for us, especially if they never took into consideration who you truly are.
We are brave af for daring to be the first that they’ll see to ever do it.
I’ve been feeling like a mess lately and it feels related to this in ways I’m still trying to piece together.
And life feels…unsure.
But maybe feeling like a mess bothers me so much right now because I’ve been told even as a kid (the years where you're supposed to be messy) that messy was not an option for kids like me. Girls like me. Black girls like me.
I was going to end this essay with little pieces of girl you can do this too but if I’m honest I don't think we need that.
If you’ve read this far it may be because you already know the weight that I’ve tried to touch on in this essay.
I just hope that reading my story and listening to Olivia's validates you whether it looks like mine or hers.
There are so many other wonderful points made in this interview. Olivia’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for the last 3 years and it was wild to learn that she almost canned a song that got me through some major life changes and hearing more about her process of writing. There may be some follow-ups on that, we shall see. Definitely take a listen to not only this interview but also her latest album, The Art of Loving and Messy.
I love that she is truly just getting started.
Thanks for reading